With Love, Mommy

Whenever anyone asks how we are doing, I always reply that we are trying to settle down and establish a routine to get things back to normal.  Well, that's not entirely true.  A more accurate response is that we are desperately trying to get used to our new routine, our new normal.  Having 3 kids under 3 years old is not for the weak!  Having two 2-year olds is just the most hectic thing you can imagine (thank the Lord we never had triplets).  When Cuddle Bug was first placed with us as a newborn, it took 3 months to really get settled and to get Little JT used to his new brother role.  I fully expect that it will take at least 6 months to get us all used to our new family dynamic this time.  Sweet Pea was placed with us 4 months ago.  So, we have 2 months to get our act together! ;)  Every little thing we do, from breakfast to outings, is about 10x more difficult.  Here are just some of the things that I have learned with three young kiddos: -Getting in the mom taxi takes about

I decided that I need to use the kids naptime for some projects that also might be fun and might relieve some stress for me.  So I made some activity bags for the kiddos!  Turned out pretty cute, I think!  Under $7 a piece and it took me an hour to do both.  Score!  I hope to do an update soon about our foster care journey.  Obvious by my lack of posts, it has been crazy.  Apparently life gets pretty hectic when you have two 2 year olds and a 7 month old.  Who knew?  Until then, asking for prayers and positive thoughts going our way.  I have an outpatient procedure next Monday to hopefully fix some of the health problems I have been having for 3 months.  Not a big deal, but going under anesthesia is always makes me a little nervous.  There are going to be some changes in our lives coming up too and I will make sure to update you all about that too.  Mostly, this will mean a change in my employment.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the wonderful mothers in our lives!  We could not be where we are today without the love and support of our moms.  We are so excited to celebrate the wonderful moms in our lives. Mother's Day as a foster parent is a little different.  It's a difficult blend of emotions.  On one hand, all foster mothers are fully and completely moms, with everything that comes with being a mom.  Foster moms deal with tears, dirty diapers, potty training, owies, rocking to sleep, waking up in the middle of the night, homework, and everything else.  However, many foster mommies do not feel they can celebrate mother's day.  It can be a time of mixed emotions since many birthmothers try very hard to remind foster parents that they are the "real mom."  It can also be difficult for foster moms with older children.  The children may be sad as they are reminded that they are not with their mom.  Although not all of these apply to me, I just wanted to shed

It looks like I will get to see how services are established for foster kiddos. We talked to CPS about behavioral health services for Sweet Pea and she put in a referral. Someone called today to set up an intake for a high needs caseworker. During the intake, someone will come over and ask questions and observe her at home. Then that caseworker will determine if they have a therapist that can help. Most likely, this will mean play therapy since she is so young. Even though this is one more thing to add to my very busy week, this is great news!  Sweet Pea is finally going to get the help she needs to start the healing process. Speaking of our busy schedule, this month is probably the craziest yet. 2 court hearings, 2 CPS visits, 1 licensing worker visit, 1 behavioral health intake, 1 Foster Care Review Board, 2 toddler dentist appointments, twice a week visitation for Cuddle Bug, and at least 1 child's doctor appointment. Not to mention, I am a working mom and trying to figure out

Yes, that's right. I am updating the blog to let you all know that we have no new updates. Some say that the system is broken, or that it lets children just "sit" in foster care. Maybe there is truth to that. From what I can tell, they are moving on our kids' cases, but it's hidden under layers of rules and red tape. What I mean is that every step takes about 1,000 little steps. For severance to happen, there have to be a million other things that go through court. For a family reunification, even more. There are so many things that happen that we cannot share, so we are just waiting the time when we know what our children's future is for sure. We can guess based on what we have been told. But we also know that nothing is final until the judge says it is. If a CPS worker tells a family that something definitely will happen, I never believe them personally. Just because they do not have the final decision and things change all the time. So here we sit, taking c

Today, I had an Aha moment when it comes to parenting Sweet Pea.  I told myself I would always take into consideration the past trauma while parenting these children.  It's so difficult when they are so young, and even more difficult when one is the same age as our own biological child.  This two year old that we have brought into our home sounds very mature when she speaks, and has a knowledge of certain things that you would not expect.  And yet, she has major trauma in her past. I don't know the full extent of her history, but I know that even one move to a new home with new parents, toys, clothes would be traumatizing. She has been broken down.  She has thought about things that a 2 year old should never have to think about.  Frequent moves may have caused her to wonder where she will sleep tonight, or if she will get to take her favorite pillow if she moves this time.  She may wonder who she will call "Mommy" tomorrow or if this mommy will come back from work tod

One of the most common questions we receive is how JT is doing through the transition.  Our little boy is very strong, and he is doing the best he can at this time.  When Cuddle Bug was first placed, JT was not sure about this tiny baby that he had to share his Mommy and Daddy with.  But after about 2 months, he started warming up to Cuddle Bug and now he just loves him.  He asks Cuddle Bug to play with him (cute!!) and does not like when the Parent Aide comes and takes him to visits.  Just like adding a baby to the family through the more traditional route, it took time but JT loves his baby brother.  The last few weeks with Sweet Pea here have been, understandably, more difficult for JT.  He has to share his toys, because Sweet Pea had none.  He has to share his Mommy, because Sweet Pea didn't have anyone to hug her or tuck her in at night.  He isn't the only one getting our attention, but he is still the center of our world, just as all of our children are.  He has acted o

When we went through our foster parent training, they told us about a honeymoon phase when the child first moves in.  When I worked in foster care, I told my families about it too.  But I've never seen it first hand, until now.  Our first week with Sweet Pea was far from easy, but it seemed to be Little J that was struggling.  Sweet Pea was adjusting almost too well.  She started calling me Mommy right away and attached to me quickly.  She rarely had behaviors that were alarming or out of the ordinary.  In the last few days, the honeymoon phase has been dwindling.  She still is not behaving badly, don't get me wrong.  But she now tantrums occasionally like a normal 2 year old.  She says things that we may need to correct or speak to her about.  But this is the time to choose our battles and build trust.  So, if you see us letting some things slide or ignoring behavior, it is simply because we do not want to overwhelm Sweet Pea and make her feel like she is "bad". We

We have a new addition to our family!  Sweetie Pie came into our lives in an emergency situation yesterday. I got a phone call at work, and  about 3 hours later, a caseworker was walking up to our door with a sweet 2 year old girl. We are not sure how long she will be staying with us. She is about 5 months older than Little J, which is a term in the foster community known as "twinkies". They are almost twins, but they would still be in different grades in school.   If we thought life with a two year old and a newborn was hard, throwing in another 2 year old has been interesting!  We are either brave or just nuts! Hopefully she will encourage JT to potty train!  That's how it works right?  Well, it has been a crazy 24 hours, but that's the life of a foster parent!  Currently, all three children are sleeping, which is just a little gift from God so I can catch my breath. During this time of transition, we welcome and appreciate any and all help, including hand me down

As a foster parent, I've heard many questions about why we are doing this. We have heard comments like "I couldn't do that" and "You must be special to be able to do that."  It seems that people are so afraid of children in foster care, and they think we are bringing children into our family that have done something wrong. I have also had the occasional comment about what people may think are valuable qualities for a foster parent to possess. So it's about time for a Q&A! -Do you have to have super powers to be a foster parent? No way!  Remember, foster parents are just ordinary people who are able to care for an additional child who needs a home. Some are married, some are not; some work, some do not. There are foster parents who hope to adopt and there are some that only want to provide temporary care. We don't consider ourselves to be special or better than anyone else.  We are just ordinary people with a passion to help kids. -Should ev

                                                                "Our lives are made In these small hours These little wonders, These twists & turns of fate Time falls away, But these small hours, These small hours still remain" I've always loved the song Little Wonders by Rob Thomas, which was featured in Disney's Meet the Robinsons. But I've been thinking about the lyrics to the song a lot lately. We have been watching a lot of adoption movies, and that movie is one of our favorites. Besides the urge to belt out the lyrics when I hear this song, it's also a gentle reminder to be present and enjoy these little moments. It is far too easy to spend all of my time worrying about whether or not Cuddle Bug will be staying with us or if he will be leaving. It is consuming to think about what my family will look like in a month or a year, or even just a week.  As a foster parent, you have to be fluid and very flexible. You have to know tha

The most difficult thing about adding a new child to the family has been establishing new routines.  JT was so used to our old routines, which included frequent trips to the park and Gymboree, where he had our undivided attention.  Suddenly, we have a newborn that also needs our attention sometimes.  The great thing about having a newborn placed with us first is that our little Bug is relatively easy to care for, besides a touch of colic.  Even though Little J still has a big portion of my attention, he's still exhibiting some behaviors which I think is a result of the lack of routines these days.  We've been in survival mode.  Plus, J is really good at being 2. So, we have started some routines to help J transition from one activity to another, and also to help cut down on tv time and encourage more learning activities.  I started with a schedule that J can follow along with.  Most of our day is still playing with cars and trains, but we also do other fun activities.  And I

In my previous post, I started talking about the match meeting process.  I wanted to continue that by talking about the rest of the process.  At this match meeting, the caseworker chooses a family that they think is the best match for the child(ren), and usually they choose a backup if they can.  If you remember, the foster family is not actually allowed to be at the match meeting.  So the licensing worker calls the family after the meeting to let them know they have been chosen, and then they set up another meeting.  Usually the next day, the foster family comes into CPS with the licensing worker and meets with the caseworker.  At this point, the foster family can ask lots of questions about the child and talk about ways to make the transition smooth.  The foster family then has 24 hours to decide if they would like to take this child in to adopt. After the decision is made, the adoptive family works out a plan to transition the child from where he/she is currently.  Sometimes this

When children come into foster care, there are procedures and laws that professionals must follow.   Immediately they are placed with a foster family (or if a relative is available to parent the child,MIT is called a kinship placement). If CPS realizes that the child is probably not going to be reunified with his birth parents (usually because the birth parents are not doing everything their caseworker has asked them to do, like finding a job, taking parenting classes, and staying clean) to name a few common requirements), they will begin looking at other options. If parents rights are terminated, CPS is required to look at other family members who may be able to adopt the child. If there is no family willing or able, they ask the foster parent usually if they will adopt. In some situations, the foster parent is also not willing or able to adopt the child. Many foster parents are older and have already raised children, so they do not want to parent a young child for that long. This is

Every foster parent knows the meaning of the term "working in partnership," which is expected of us.  The teams and partnership for each child is a foreign concept to those who are not foster parents. Most parents only need to worry about well child visits with the doctor for their child.  I think my family has had plenty of practice with this because of J's medical history.  Now, we are expected to work in partnership with the CPS casemanager, our licensing worker, doctors, therapists, parent aids and any other professionals on the team.  For a young baby, no one expects this team to be too large.  But keeping up with this team has become my third job.  There have been developmental and mental assessments, caseworker visits, supervised visits, licensing visits, and lots of medical checks, including blood work.  Much of my week is spent either in meetings for Cuddle Bug or trying to communicate with various parties.  Oh, and the documentation is never-ending!  I have appr

One very unique characteristic of kiddos in foster care is that they have two mommies and two daddies.  As I have mentioned, whenever  a child comes into care, the case plan always starts as reunification and most of the time that means court-ordered supervised visits on a regular basis. These kiddos are transitioning from one home to another and sometimes have a chance to go back to their birth mommy or daddy.   Visits can be very helpful to keep that bond. Sometimes we, as foster parents, don't remember the positive reasons for visits. This is why it was really hard when Cuddle Bug's caseworker called me today and told me a stranger would be picking him up today for his supervised visit. It was difficult, but it's not my responsibility to make a fuss about it or make it more challenging. It's our job as foster parents to help this baby through this. Even for a newborn, it must be confusing and a bit unsettling. So we can cuddle him as much as he wants, we can tell him