Be the Change

As a foster parent, I've heard many questions about why we are doing this. We have heard comments like "I couldn't do that" and "You must be special to be able to do that."  It seems that people are so afraid of children in foster care, and they think we are bringing children into our family that have done something wrong. I have also had the occasional comment about what people may think are valuable qualities for a foster parent to possess. So it's about time for a Q&A!

-Do you have to have super powers to be a foster parent? No way!  Remember, foster parents are just ordinary people who are able to care for an additional child who needs a home. Some are married, some are not; some work, some do not. There are foster parents who hope to adopt and there are some that only want to provide temporary care. We don't consider ourselves to be special or better than anyone else.  We are just ordinary people with a passion to help kids.

-Should everyone be foster parents?  Well, no.  Not everyone is cut out to be foster parents. But if you keep hearing yourself say "I couldn't do that," maybe you should really consider seriously asking yourself if you can do it.

-What are good traits of a foster parent?  In my opinion, foster parents MUST have unconditional positive regard and truly want what is best for children in care. Even if that means giving birth parents the benefit of the same positive regard. It's also best to be very loving and treat the child just as you would your biological child. The kids deserve at least that!  An important trait for foster parents is patience for all parties involved, but especially for the kids. Another important quality is working well with a team. Foster parents have very little legal say, but they are very important in the child's life. Sometimes that is hard to juggle. There are lots of other traits I can think of, but those seem to be the most important. I have been told that we are getting too emotionally invested. But I think Cuddle Bug deserves for us to be totally and completely invested in his well-being, even if that means we are left with a broken heart.

-So, why are you doing this?  Personally, I've thought about adoption since I was a teenager. When I worked in foster care, we saw the need and had a lot of our questions answered. There is such a huge need and we just kept saying, we should be doing something about this. "Be the change you wish to see in the world." We were sure that this was something we could do and we would be happy doing. We felt like we were being called to this act of love. And that's all it is, an act of love. We are doing it for the same reason that people decide to have a baby.

-Aren't you afraid of letting felons and miscreants into your family?  This is a question I get a lot and I don't quite understand. I think it comes back to peoples misconceptions about kids in foster care. They are not in gestate custody because of anything they did!  Their parents made a mistake, or 1000 mistakes. Yes, they may have been exposed to things that another child wouldn't know anything about. Yes,there are some behaviors. Of course there are!  They are mad and scared!  Think about it this way: what would you feel if a stranger picked you up from work and said "Well, your son stole a candy bar from the store, so you have to move to another persons house and you can't see your family anymore. And no, you can't take your clothes, your pillow, or your dog."  Heck, I'd be angry too!  But, for all of you worriers, we have talked about every situation and are taking proper precautions to make sure every member of our family is safe.

I will address more FAQs later!  Please feel free to leave a question in the comments of this blog. I would love to answer any other questions!